What Am I, Versus The Many?
Sarah Gibson
Grade Eleven
March 2, 2017
When one sits at a computer, typing furiously on the keyboard, headphones on, what would usually be assumed of their work? Homework perhaps, talking with friends, writing a story if they are into that sort of thing. But if their faces are grey and concerned, could they be attempting to save the life of a friend? For when one has contact with another person, and they announce that they have plans to die, it can freeze your world. The person now attempting to save their friend will most likely shrug off or evade questioning, closing off from the outside world in order to devote all they have to comforting and assuring the friend that someone does and will care. And thus we meet Sarah. She is a homeschooled grade eleven student who devotes hours of her time to ensuring that several people know at all times that at least one person cares deeply for them. Infinitely less of her time is spent staring at clothes or at boys. This young woman wants to make people laugh for a living, striving for a career in animation and cartooning, though her homework can often be derailed by things such as a goodbye message or just someone having a bad day. She takes too much responsibility on her shoulders at times, often struggling to keep a smile on her face when her dearest friends are in trouble.
Why do I continue to put myself in such situations that will cause me heartbreak and stress? Because, the universe revolves around whoever is in danger at that moment, and nothing else matters to those who care about them. Not even the childhood dream of working for Disney can pull me away from wishing that I could hold close the ones dear to me on some days. The world shatters, and all I can see is a young person who requires warmth and comfort through a dark time. Often with a giant timer counting down over their heads which represents the time I have to bring them back into a place where continuing on in life is appealing to them. Often this responsibility I have accumulated for myself forces my body into a state of shock. I will go through the other parts of my life in somewhat of a trance, shaking off offered comfort and hurrying through any tasks so that I may more quickly return to my friend. I am not saying that this is much of a healthy lifestyle, only that I am acknowledging that it is not. For this reason, I try to make contact with the people on their side, with family members or trusted adults. Being able to contact someone who can more easily help is relieving, and instantly removes some stress from my shoulders. I will begin to find interest in other things again, such as schoolwork and graduating and life goals and such things.
Drawing and writing are also large stress relievers, giving me an outlet that will not harm myself or others whilst putting the emotions out there for others to see and react to. I often throw myself into a new story or a particularly depressing chapter filled with strong themes and yet sub-par writing. Or perhaps a picture of a shattering heart or something equally saddening. Usually these pictures will be thrown out, and I will continue in my efforts to appear unaffected. Lately, I have been doing an animation course done by Pixar. Though the course content is heavily based on physics and mathematics, the lessons allow me to find peace even if it is but for an hour or two. I’m hoping to become a part of the animating team on Disney XD Network. After watching the creators of my favourite cartoon Phineas and Ferb on interviews talking about the job and how much they enjoy what they do, I wanted only to do the same thing they’re doing. Animation has always been something that interested me. As a child I would wonder how they got the picture of a puppy to interact with live-action people and objects, watching in awe as the two interacted. Getting older, I was able to watch more cartoons. I’d like to say they increased in age range but in reality most of the cartoons and shows I still enjoy are generally for children under the age of thirteen.
My world consists of school, volunteering, my friends, and art. I guess someone could say that I’m not that different than anyone else, right? What is to say that is wrong? It’s the subtle differences that make anyone unique. The world has captured many people in its ensnaring pit of normality, but why should anyone slip down into the coiling nets of so-called perfections? How does anyone discover who they are truly meant to be in this world of societal convention? What have I done as an individual to separate myself from the other people clamoring for individuality? I have thrown myself into volunteer work, making friends with other people who take care of and serve others. I work at a free meal provider, have for almost three years now. I love to cook in the kitchen and serve food to people who don’t really get to socialize much, listening to them talk for what can seem like hours, and see them smiling and feeling satisfied in more ways than one.
I am a teenager. I live with family. I tease my siblings. These are all things anyone in my age group could say without being questioned as to whether or not these statements are the truth. However, I also struggle with mental health, not mine but my friends’ almost every day. I spend a lot of time writing or drawing that could be spent shopping or chatting on the phone but isn’t. I volunteer to help whoever I can whenever I can.
